yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
