I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
