and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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