Having a random hookup so left but love u
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Randomize
