have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
