Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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