is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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