we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
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