All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
