I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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