Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
