The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
