For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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