Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Randomize
