Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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