Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Randomize
