fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
