I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Randomize
