I molested 6 butterflies tonight
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
