So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
