Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
