I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
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