im drinking this country out of the recession.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Randomize
