I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
