tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
