Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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