Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
