So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
