My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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