If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
My vagina is officially offended.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
