I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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