did you get engaged???
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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