this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Randomize
