i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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