i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
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