I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
