You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
