we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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