i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
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