I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
