I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
