I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
