Having a random hookup so left but love u
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Randomize
