peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
