Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
