just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
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