it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My bed smells like the plague
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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