this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
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