I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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