I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
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